Seven things revisited....

Following on from my throwback Thursday post earlier today I did a quick stock take of the last few months. While it hasn't always been easy some very positive stuff has happened in my life.

In the beginning of January I wrote a post about things I'm looking forward to this year. Pretty much everything, bar reading the third Kalix book has happened and I have very nearly finished my course... So to keep me on track I started thinking about other good things coming up this year. Here's a quick list:

• Tomorrow I'm going camping with my my class mates to celebrate the end of our course
• Seeing a bit more of my loved ones who have been woefully neglected for the last six months
• Boomtown Fair with lots of lovely friends
• Riding my bike more and getting stronger
• A trip to Hamburg to see St Pauli and Altona play. I'm hoping to sneak in a few days in Berlin also.
• Oddly enough starting a new job, which I have yet to find.
• Spending lots of time in my garden until then

x

"Fell on black days"

The trouble is, when I feel ok I push myself to do things.  To achieve, to socialise, to go outside. In truth, it doesn't even feel like I'm pushing. I'm turned up to 11. Elated and untouchable. A force of fucking nature, apparently.

I miss all the warning signs and it hits me full force like my secret wishes on my darkest days.

Now I'm limp, fragile, barely going through the motions. Sometimes it last a few minutes, others weeks or months. Never knowing how long it'll be for this time. I'm exhausted.

Nayyirah explains it all

"I love myself.
The quietest, simplest, most powerful revolution ever"

It was always Peter's

"He never knew about the box, and in time he gave up trying for the kiss" - JM Barrie

It's a journo's life for me

Quick update. Two weeks of NCTJ done and oh my g*d it's hardcore. I've enjoyed it so far, even the dreaded shorthand! My hand writing is, lets face it, pretty appalling so I'm doing lots of practice to make it all neat, pretty and in proportion. Progress is SLOW. 

So far I've designed a few newspaper pages, learned a bit of media law, written a NIB (that's news in brief for my non-journo readers *wink*), drank a lot of tea and had a couple of placement days at the Brixton Blog. 

I've also had my first news story published. You can read it here :)

3 weeks ago everything changed

Before Christmas I was planning my move to Berlin, thinking about my last day at work, looking at house shares ads, planning a farewell drink up for my nearest and dearest. I was thinking about the things I'd miss, the boy, Rambocat, my mum, my mates, seeing my friends' babies grow up... I kept telling myself "Berlin isn't that far away, I could always come back to visit or just come home if it was all too much".

Despite the cold feet, I was resolute. The decision had been made. I definitely couldn't stay here anyway. To say I wasn't enjoying work was more than an understatement. I felt undervalued, frustrated, it all seemed so pointless. I never thought I'd be the kind of person whose self esteem was so tied in with my job. It's seems so obvious really. Feel shit about what you do for most of the day and you're more than likely to feel shit about yourself.

Then one morning at work my phone rang, the call was from a lecturer on the NCTJ journalism diploma. She had read my blog, this blog, and said I was just the kind of person they were looking for. I couldn't believe it, I thought I'd missed the boat. I wanted to do the course since I left university. The problem was, I was perpetually skint until I got my most recent job and was able to start saving a little bit of money each month: the Berlin fund. Of course I accepted in a fucking heartbeat. 

Berlin was always a gamble. It was also my last resort. Whatever I said out loud or on here, I knew I was running away. I've decided to stay, decided to fight. I'm not resigning myself to misery and selling my soul, sanity and self worth with it.

I have no idea what 2014 will bring but I know it's going to be good. And Berlin? Berlin will have to wait xx

Happy things are happening

Last week I wrote a post about  seven things I'm looking forward to this year. We're only nine days in and two of them have already happened *smiles*

I got my first big tattoo on Saturday. It's a series of moons in different phases down my arm. People have asked me why I chose moons. Is there any other reason to get a tattoo apart from it looks fuckin' cool? Well yeah, but I'm keeping that under my hat for now.

In other very important news, my friend gave birth to a baby boy on Tuesday. He's sooo cute and tiny. I can't wait to get to know him!

It's just a phase I'm going through

Seven things I'm looking forward to in 2014

1. Four of my favourite friends having their first babies.
I'm know everyone says this but I'm *really* looking forward to being the cool aunty. 

2. Training to be a journalist
Later this month I'm starting a journalism intensive. I've already got loads of ideas for stories and stuff I want to write about. I can't wait to get stuck in. Although, I do still need to sort out my placement, eeps!

3. This also means I won't be doing a 9-5 until July at the earliest.
I don't think I need to elaborate on this one.

4. The David Lynch Factory Photographs exhibition
I've loved David Lynch ever since watching Twin Peaks way too young with my older sister. I'm super exited about his photographic exhibition coming to London later this month. The exhibition features images of crumbling, dilapidated factories in a number of locations including Berlin and New York. To make it even more eerie, Lynch has produced an accompanying sound installation. And there will be screening rooms set up showing Eraserhead and the Elephant Man. Anyone into Lynch, urban x, the underground rave scene etc will love this.  You can check the exhibition at the Photographers Gallery from 17 Jan - 30 Mar 2014 and it's free! Here's an image from the exhibition.


5. Spending another year with my love.
I gave up the brownies, guitar and smoking but some how I've stuck with the boy... Actually, I think he deserves congratulating. Patience of a saint doesn't come close.

6. Getting round to reading The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf.
I'm a bit slow off the mark with this one. Last August one of my favourite authors Martin Miller released his third book in the Kalix series. The series centers around a teenage werewolf, Kalix MacRinnalch. Outcast and on the run from her family, Kalix is depressed, addicted to laudnum and loves the Runaways. She finds refuge in South London with Daniel and Moonglow, two students who really don't know what they've let themselves in for. I can't tell you anything about this third installment because I've yet to read it but why don't you have a quick read of this extract from the book on Martin Miller's blog

7. Getting at least one more tattoo
The amazing, award winning Dan at Black Sail Tattoo, Brighton has designed me the most beautiful moon tattoo. I'll post pictures when it's done...

If you didn't spot it, here's a quick list of stuff that made 2013 awesome.

Ten reasons why 2013 was awesome

In no particular order
1. Going to my favourite city twice with my love and wonderful friends
2. My mums health improving
3. Taking a German course
4. Handing in my notice at work!
5. Getting accepted on to a journalism course
6. Living in this flat longer than I've lived anywhere since I was 18
7. Spending a week on a boat celebrating one of my favourite friends birthdays
8. Feeling for the first time in a long time that there is hope and that I have a place in the world
9. Dancing at a festival in Barcelona with some old friends
10. Realising there's nowhere else I'd rather be than with my love

Rambocat you are too cute!

Eeep, I've got the wants - Ladybirdlikes and Tatty Devine

I wore my beautiful owl clips by Ladybirdlikes today and it's given me the wants on a massive scale!

Ladybirdlikes makes all kinds of cool stuff. I've fallen in love with this wooden anchor bow tie, it comes in cherry or birch and is a bargain at only 14 squid. Here's a picture:



I'm also coveting this Halloween inspired bones necklace from Tatty Devine. It's fifty English pounds but I think it's deffo worth it. It has the added bonus (no pun intended) of reminding me of my favourite Flintsone - Pebbles. Look at the pretty colours.

I love my Rambocat

October already?

Gah, I've really neglected this blog... I've been so busy, August is always like that. Birth month, innit... I spent a long weekend in Berlin at the end of August. We stayed in a beautiful flat not far from Kotti and I finally got to check Mauer Park Flohmarkt. It was heaving and expensive BUT I did get some very cool old photos for the collection and a sweet little necklace for my boyfriend’s sister. We checked the bearpit karaoke that I’ve heard so much about and was simultaneously disappointed and heartened by the lack of booing for the worst singers... I imagined myself in the pit on my first Sunday as a Berliner (LOL) singing my heart out to Bonny Tyler, a rite of passage in my new home. Or erm maybe not.

I’m now five lessons into my German language class. As a consequence my weekends have been quieter – I’ve been skint after spending all my money on cocktails and photos of randoms in Berlin anyway....

I have a sign on my desk at work. It’s just a tatty bit of paper ripped out of my note book sellotaped to the bottom of my screen. It says one word: Berlin

Ich vermisse Berlin

I thought a lot about my travel plans for Berlin since my post a few weeks ago, no change from usual really. I came to the conclusion that because its so far away it makes it easy to get frustrated and feel like giving up. It was very much Berlin or bust when I decided. Berlin or die, even. So much of my life has felt like a live or die choice... I've realised giving up isn't an option and that I need to make the most of the next few months in all parts of my life. This was never about running away.... 

It's my birthday next month, I'll be 31. I've decided that I'd like spend it in Berlin, of course. It'll a good opportunity to remind myself why I'm uprooting myself from my friends and family, leaving a steady job, my boyfriend and cat behind, albeit temporarily, to live in a strange city where I don't even speak the extremely complicated language. That doesn't sound silly to me, it sounds exciting. Isn't that what life's supposed to be about when you're young and have no commitments.

That's a picture of me and the boy on our first trip to Berlin a couple of years ago. See how happy, and drunk, we look. Berlin life everyday, friend.

I've booked my tickets and now I'm just waiting for my birthday to roll round... I say just waiting but actually there's lots to look forward to in between. 

Aside from Berlin, here are a few of the August highlights:

• Trip to Fen Shang with the wonderful Wills
• Brixton Splash
• Boomtown Fair
• Clay pigeon shooting for my mate Ruth's birthday
•  My birthday drink up
• Notting Hill Carnival

 Hopefully I'll get the chance to write about some of them x

German words of the week.

I'm learning a few German words each week. This weeks words are:

Bedeckt - overcast
Teufel - fiend
Schidkrote - tortoise

 

I'm pleased to learn that mayonnaise is the same in German. 

Surprise in Vauxhall

I found a new (to me) invader in Vauxhall.

MOAR German times!

St Pauli won the first game of the season last night. Wills and I celebrated with pretzels.

I spy Skeleton Cardboard

Last night I went to the private view of La Joie De Vivre, an exhibition featuring the wonderful Skeleton Cardboard.  

I really like the simplicity and that the work is made out of recycled materials, it makes it feel accessible and inclusive.

 

Skeleton Cardboard makes me happy.

On my way home I took some pictures of some street art.



Social cleansing in Brixton.

Yesterday 75 residents were forcefully evicted from their homes in Rushcroft Rd, Brixton. Some had lived there for over 30 years. People lost their homes and we have lost an important part of our community. Many of the flats will be sold off to private developers, priced out of the reach of most long term residents. This action will irrevocably change the character of central Brixton.

 

On a lighter note, the cops in this picture look like they are posing for some kind of awful copper boyband from the 90s

 

You can find more about the eviction on the Brixton Buzz website, take a look at this  photo report  and article including some videos from the day.

Read the article and photo and video report on the Brixton Blog

Read the article on the eviction in Evening Standard

UPDATE: 25th July, things have gotten a lot worse on Rushcroft Road since the squatters got kicked out. The new occupants are playing bongos.