Seven things revisited....

Following on from my throwback Thursday post earlier today I did a quick stock take of the last few months. While it hasn't always been easy some very positive stuff has happened in my life.

In the beginning of January I wrote a post about things I'm looking forward to this year. Pretty much everything, bar reading the third Kalix book has happened and I have very nearly finished my course... So to keep me on track I started thinking about other good things coming up this year. Here's a quick list:

• Tomorrow I'm going camping with my my class mates to celebrate the end of our course
• Seeing a bit more of my loved ones who have been woefully neglected for the last six months
• Boomtown Fair with lots of lovely friends
• Riding my bike more and getting stronger
• A trip to Hamburg to see St Pauli and Altona play. I'm hoping to sneak in a few days in Berlin also.
• Oddly enough starting a new job, which I have yet to find.
• Spending lots of time in my garden until then

x

"Fell on black days"

The trouble is, when I feel ok I push myself to do things.  To achieve, to socialise, to go outside. In truth, it doesn't even feel like I'm pushing. I'm turned up to 11. Elated and untouchable. A force of fucking nature, apparently.

I miss all the warning signs and it hits me full force like my secret wishes on my darkest days.

Now I'm limp, fragile, barely going through the motions. Sometimes it last a few minutes, others weeks or months. Never knowing how long it'll be for this time. I'm exhausted.

Nayyirah explains it all

"I love myself.
The quietest, simplest, most powerful revolution ever"

It was always Peter's

"He never knew about the box, and in time he gave up trying for the kiss" - JM Barrie

It's a journo's life for me

Quick update. Two weeks of NCTJ done and oh my g*d it's hardcore. I've enjoyed it so far, even the dreaded shorthand! My hand writing is, lets face it, pretty appalling so I'm doing lots of practice to make it all neat, pretty and in proportion. Progress is SLOW. 

So far I've designed a few newspaper pages, learned a bit of media law, written a NIB (that's news in brief for my non-journo readers *wink*), drank a lot of tea and had a couple of placement days at the Brixton Blog. 

I've also had my first news story published. You can read it here :)

3 weeks ago everything changed

Before Christmas I was planning my move to Berlin, thinking about my last day at work, looking at house shares ads, planning a farewell drink up for my nearest and dearest. I was thinking about the things I'd miss, the boy, Rambocat, my mum, my mates, seeing my friends' babies grow up... I kept telling myself "Berlin isn't that far away, I could always come back to visit or just come home if it was all too much".

Despite the cold feet, I was resolute. The decision had been made. I definitely couldn't stay here anyway. To say I wasn't enjoying work was more than an understatement. I felt undervalued, frustrated, it all seemed so pointless. I never thought I'd be the kind of person whose self esteem was so tied in with my job. It's seems so obvious really. Feel shit about what you do for most of the day and you're more than likely to feel shit about yourself.

Then one morning at work my phone rang, the call was from a lecturer on the NCTJ journalism diploma. She had read my blog, this blog, and said I was just the kind of person they were looking for. I couldn't believe it, I thought I'd missed the boat. I wanted to do the course since I left university. The problem was, I was perpetually skint until I got my most recent job and was able to start saving a little bit of money each month: the Berlin fund. Of course I accepted in a fucking heartbeat. 

Berlin was always a gamble. It was also my last resort. Whatever I said out loud or on here, I knew I was running away. I've decided to stay, decided to fight. I'm not resigning myself to misery and selling my soul, sanity and self worth with it.

I have no idea what 2014 will bring but I know it's going to be good. And Berlin? Berlin will have to wait xx

Happy things are happening

Last week I wrote a post about  seven things I'm looking forward to this year. We're only nine days in and two of them have already happened *smiles*

I got my first big tattoo on Saturday. It's a series of moons in different phases down my arm. People have asked me why I chose moons. Is there any other reason to get a tattoo apart from it looks fuckin' cool? Well yeah, but I'm keeping that under my hat for now.

In other very important news, my friend gave birth to a baby boy on Tuesday. He's sooo cute and tiny. I can't wait to get to know him!